Let’s talk about SEX, Baby! Starting with our couple’s sex quiz.

Sex and physical affection are important because it energizes the relationship, makes each person feel desired, and serves as buffer against life’s ups and downs. Sex is fun. Sex is possible!

Here is a short quiz for you

1. Do you talk about sex with your partner on a regular basis? (Really talk. Complaints don’t count as talking.)
   1. Often
   2. Sometimes
   3. Never

2. Do you initiate sex with your partner?
   1. Often
   2. Sometimes
   3. Never

3. Are you likely to still hug, kiss, or cuddle even when you are not having sex?
   1. Often
   2. Sometimes
   3. Never

How did you do? Need some exercises to do at home?

If you answered sometimes, your relationship may need a tune-up. If you answered never to any of the three questions, it may be time to consider introducing a sex therapist into your relationship. It is not too late to reignite your passion for one another! Don’t wait around and do something about it.

We all get anxious about sharing our bodies, experimenting with something new we have never done before, and talking about what we like, fantasize about, and prefer. On top of that, couples may have a hard time getting “back into the sand box” to play after a fight or a disappointment,.

As time goes on, couples often stop holding hands, laughing at each other’s jokes, or sitting next to each other on the couch. These may seem like small, and seemingly inconsequential things, however this is what differentiates a partnership from a platonic friendship. For some couples, the problem may be simply that they have differing levels of desire.

And let’s not forget about the negative effect of touch deprivation on mood. Children and the elderly are not the only ones who may suffer from touch deprivation.

It is truly amazing how many couples who share so much of their lives together never talk about sex. They don’t talk about sex with the very person they are supposed to be having sex with!

Psst! Here is some advice to turn up the heat in your relationship

1. Plan for sex. Sexual encounters are not automatic after the early stage of a relationship. Some people are against planning for sex because it feels unnatural. But then, they complain that sex never happens.

2. Talk about sex. Don’t ignore sexual discrepancies or sexual frustrations. Talk about what turns you on and listen to what turns your partner on.

3. Do sexy things to or with your partner. Flirt and have fun. Use your imagination, fantasy and creativity.

4. Don’t wait until you are both in the mood. Rarely are two people in the mood at the same time. Also, not all sex is a mutually intimate moment. Some sex is just altruistic, meaning it’s what the relationship needs.
   Even if you don’t necessarily feel “in the mood”, the more attention you give your physical relationship, the less you may have to work to get in the mood down the road. If you don’t feel like climaxing, don’t. If you only feel like cuddling, say so. If you feel like masturbating, do.

5. Separate touch from intercourse. Be willing to give pleasurable touch to your partner even when you are not in the mood to receive it yourself.
   Be willing to receive pleasurable touch from your partner without feeling obligated to give anything in return.

6. Separate sexual from non-sexual touch. Not all touch is sexual or erotic. Some touch involves sexual and erotic activities such as foreplay and intercourse.
   Some touch non sexual. Examples of non sexual touch include touching hair, face or hands. Other examples are massaging or caressing.

7. Make sex and touch a priority. A regular sexual and physical connection is important in a successful relationship. 

Sex Therapy for Couples in Chicago

If you have trouble getting started with these activities, consider talking to a counselor who is trained in the areas of sexual desire discrepancy and touch deprivation. Talking to a trained therapist can help you get the conversations started with your partner.